Wednesday, December 20, 2006
You Know You're a Southern California Native When...
I received one of these email humor things yesterday. I normally never forward them because I have this really strong desire to be original instead of parroting what someone else said. But this one struck a cord because, well, I am a native of southern California. I grew up here and love it here. Well, most of it, heh. So I’m going to post this thing, but I’m going to make it my own by addressing each part point by point, because I’ve got my own opinions and by golly you’re gonna hear them!
YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA IF...
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
Oh my god, tell me about it. It’s crazy, I’ve been working my ass off, doing lots of website work on the side, and we still can’t keep up. That’s why we’re unloading this money pit and going back to renting.
You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don’t notice.
Well sometimes I notice. It might help if I knew what they looked like. I see more Bentleys than the Rolls.
You don’t know anyone’s phone number unless you check your cell phone.
Hey! I know my sweety’s number by heart. And my mom’s. And… well, that’s about it.
You begin to “lie” to your friends about how close you are when you know that it’ll take you at least an hour to get there (see below).
What? Whatever. I am so not like that. I don’t see the point. I just don’t bother talking to them if I don’t feel like it. I hate liars.
Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about “twenty minutes”.
This used to be true. Now, due to increased traffic and more stoplights, it’s more like half an hour.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
What neighborhood block party? We have no such thing. So we had to drive to someone else’s neighborhood block party.
In the winter, you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
Well, you can go to the beach, but it’ll be cold. It’s not Florida you know.
You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.
A slight exaggeration, but almost true. I love variety.
If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you’re definitely driving.
So???
Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
This is not even a joke. Even to dial someone in my own area I have to dial the area code. It’s annoying.
You know what In-N-Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don’t have any.
Oh come on, it’s a freakin’ burger. Big deal.
You don’t stop at a STOP sign, you do a California roll.
What? Oh come on, don’t tell me this doesn’t happen in any other state. I won’t believe you.
You really can never be too rich or too thin or too tan.
Bullshit. Okay, I agree you can never be too rich, but the others I do not subscribe to.
You’ve partied in Tijuana at least 3 times. You don’t remember any of them.
This statement discriminates against nerds like me who don’t go anywhere, and whose idea of a great party involves paper and dice (and I’m not talking about Yahtzee).
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
I don’t go to either, thank you very much.
You used to Crip Walk and think it was so cool.
What the hell is a Crip Walk?? No, as a matter of fact I’ve never been cool. Shut up.
You eat pineapple on pizza.
But not by choice. It’s disgusting, but it won’t stop me from eating the pizza if someone else ordered it that way.
You think that Venice is a beach.
Well it is!
You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.
Uh, actually no, I don’t.
You call 911 and they put you on hold.
They do! This is not even funny. My sweety’s mom stopped breathing while we were driving her to the hospital. I got to the hospital five minutes later (after driving like a maniac and running red lights) and was still on hold with 911.
The gym is packed at 3pm, on a workday.
Well, I wouldn’t call it packed, but there are always people there.
You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald’s or a Starbucks.
Two miles? Try two blocks.
You know what “SigAlert”, “PCH”, and “The Five” mean.
Oh, I guess they don’t have SigAlerts in other parts of the nation? Never thought about that.
You can’t remember… is pot illegal?
There are worse things for cops to worry about than pot.
It’s barely sprinkling rain and there’s a “STORM WATCH” report on every news station.
So true, and so sad. I wish it would rain more.
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Categories: • General Silliness