Thursday, November 09, 2006
To the tailgater behind me this morning...
Dear Lady in the shiny black Volvo who was riding up my ass during the morning commute,
No, as a matter of fact, I wasn’t in any kind of hurry this morning, for the following reasons:
- Unlike most people, I leave for work early
- I was already going above the speed limit
- Most importantly, it’s kinda hard to go faster than the car in front of you, and unlike bitches like yourself, I like to maintain a safe driving distance because, OMG, did you know that people sometimes stop suddenly?
It’s unfortunate that you felt the need to drive two inches from my rear bumper just because you were too stupid to leave sooner for your destination. It was also unfortunate that, in your attempt to pass me, you got stuck behind a bus that stopped to drop off passengers. On the bright side I got a good laugh out of it.
However, because you are who you are, you decided to get right back into my lane to tailgate me some more. I forgive you for honking at me out of frustration. You can’t help being a moron any more than a dog can help licking himself. Your attempt to show me just how much you wanted to pass me was not lost. Zooming past me while I was turning with only 6 inches between our doors was a very plain message: Getting to your destination 10 seconds sooner makes all the difference.
So, lady in the shiny black Volvo who was riding up my ass during the morning commute, in acknowledgement of how we’ve touched each other’s lives, if only briefly, I’d like to share with you this parting gift:
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Categories: • I see stupid people