Tuesday, July 18, 2006
The Unseen Enemy
They’re after me again. Last night, that familiar, loathsome buzzing was back. The mosquitos have it out for me. It wouldn’t be so bad if they would just bite me and then leave me alone. But no, they insist on honing in on my ear and making me flail like a blind idiot.
Why do these little pests like to buzz by my ear all the time? I came up with a theory last night while cowering under my sheets. Here me out… creatures that have evolved to live in high heat environments have large ears so it’s easier for them to dissipate heat from their bodies. I know this because the Discovery Channel told me so. As humans we lose the most heat from our heads. Again, the Discovery Channel (or maybe it was The Learning Channel). So wouldn’t it be safe to say that most of the heat comes out of our ears? And if mosquitos seek their meals by zeroing in on heat sources, maybe that’s why they go for the ears so often? Makes sense to me. I’m brilliant!
But it still didn’t solve my dilemma last night. As usual my sweetheart didn’t feel a thing. After awhile I decided to just try to ignore them and go to sleep. I managed to fall asleep, probably because the mosquito (or maybe mosquitos, who knows how many there were?) finally found some skin to land on. Four hours later I woke up with three itchy welts on one arm and one on the other arm. I was annoyed of course, but I figured at least now they’d quit buzzing around. They were probably fat and happy and rolling around in some dark corner of the room, giggling like drunkards.
I was wrong. Damn greedy bastards. They went for my ear again. That was it. I grabbed my pillow and a spare blanket and marched to the guest room. We keep it closed all the time so chances were slim that there would be any flying vermin in there. I was finally able to sleep in peace.
It’s not like we live in some swampy area for goodness sake. So now I have to think of some kind of solution or my sweety will surely want to ship me off to a mental hospital. I don’t really want to spray pesticides all over the place where I sleep, but maybe I can make it unpleasant for them. Like some citronella spray. I’ll try that. Or maybe I’ll just say screw it and fog the damn place with chemicals. Fear me mosquitos, for I am on the warpath. I may not be able to see you, but it doesn’t mean I can’t get you!