Friday, February 03, 2006
The terror of possibly turning into my mom
As much as I dislike feeling obligated to stay in touch with my mom, I am absolutely terrified of turning into her. Most of my friends who have met her think she’s annoying, even if they don’t tell me that, I know they’re thinking it. No way in hell I want to become the very thing I dislike!
But I’ve got a couple things going against me: genetics and imprinting. There’s the stuff you inherit, like temperament (bad temper, not good). Then there’s the stuff you pick up as you grow up. My mom was very big on lists. Lists for everything. Must be organized, thought out and completely planned to death. It was hard to have fun on trips because she was constantly stressing out about every little detail. I just wanted to say, “Dude, chill out mom, can’t we just play it by ear?”
I know I’ve picked up some of that. I make lists for everything too. That alone isn’t bad since it helps with my shoddy memory. But it’s a sign I tell you. A sign that I could easily fall over the edge and become the total control freak she is. I know I’m already a bit of a control freak. I like to know everything. It bugs the hell out of my sweetheart. Who just called? What’s going on tomorrow? Is someone coming over? It makes her want to scream, I know. I’ve gotten into trouble for it so many times. It’s not that I don’t trust her, not that at all. I just like to know.
Is that so bad? I’ve only recently realized how incredibly annoying it is to her. I need to reign myself in a little more. Tone it down and relax. If I keep this up I’ll not only risk ruining a great relationship, I’ll become the most annoying person I’ve ever known. My nightmare will have come true—I’ll turn into my mom.
And nobody will like me anymore.
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