Thursday, May 24, 2007
Peer into my soul with an astrological lens
I was born an Aries, the bold and fearless ram. If only I were bold and fearless. I do share most of the Arien qualities (not to be confused with Aryan white supremacists!)—I’m honest, optimistic, quick tempered, quick to forget anger, holds no grudges, gets bored easily, self absorbed, quick witted, idealistic, full of energy, and totally not graceful in any way. Fits me to a T.
So what happened to the Aries traits that I so admire in other people? The confidence, charisma, ambition, and desire to lead? I’ve read some descriptions that say, although most Aries folks are very much the highly confident, outspoken, leap before you look kind of people, there are a few who are shy and quiet sheep because their delicate egos were crushed early in life.
This makes sense to me, because my very hot-tempered mom was quite controlling and critical. I’ve never taken criticism well (damn my delicate ego), but even if I did, always being told I could do better during my formative years does things to you. How can you build confidence when you start believing that you’re not good enough? How can you become a socially charismatic talker when you grew up always fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing, fearful of excessive punishments and tongue lashings?
This pattern, this fear of what other people think, became imprinted upon my very core. I’ve gained a good deal of confidence in myself and my capabilities over the years, but it’s a tenuous confidence that could easily be toppled because its foundation is weak. Its foundation is riddled with awkwardness and self doubt.
If you’re a parent, it’s natural to want what’s best for your child. Of course you want your child to strive for the best, but be careful how you go about it. A constant voice telling you that you could do better is easily translated into “you’re not good enough”. Be wary of this and remind the kid of how awesome they are, especially when they don’t do so well. And as far as discipline goes, it’s definitely necessary that they respect you, but don’t ever let it get to the point where they fear you. I was the most well-behaved child anyone ever saw because I was afraid of my mom. I constantly scrutinized my every move, thinking about how she might react to it. I practiced avoidance whenever possible.
Everything you learn as a child, you take with you into adulthood. So parents, don’t crush your child’s spirit and confidence. Even if it was unintentional, it will still turn a bold, fearless ram into an uncertain, timid sheep.
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