Sunday, January 08, 2006
On Being Gay
My first couple of posts are rather boring and benign blatherings. They were written mostly as I was still figuring out the technical aspects of using Blogger. But now we can get down to the real reason why I decided to sign up. In short, I wanted an anonymous forum where I could be completely free to talk about sticky subjects. I want to share my thoughts, but circumstances dictate that I can’t always be myself in real life.
What sort of circumstances and what sort of sticky subjects? Well, my sweetheart, the love of my life, is very close to her family… her extremely Christian, extremely conservative family. So there are things you just don’t talk about, like being gay. Or in our case, being in a lesbian relationship. We spend so much time with them, and they really are a nice bunch of people, that I wonder if they already know and just choose to ignore it. I really don’t know. We just never talk about it and everyone is happy. It’s a weird balance to maintain our happiness and theirs.
She often tells me we should move far away, to another state, so we can just be by ourselves and not worry about keeping our love a secret. But deep down I know she would miss her family a lot. They’ve got a close bond that I respect, that no loving person would dare suggest to break.
Lucky for me her family likes me. I’m a nice person and I like them too. But despite that, I know they would avoid me like a contagious disease if they ever found out the truth. But that’s not the worst part. I suspect they would also form an enormous rift between themselves and my sweetheart. As deep as their bonds are, such a rift would be disastrous and highly depressive for her. But because we love each other we continue to walk this tightrope.
It pains me that such deep-seated religious narrow-mindedness could cause so much strife within a family. It baffles me and really angers me. You have no idea how conservative these people are. You should have seen the shit fly when one of her nephews decided to get his ear pierced. Nevermind the fact that he never did any drugs, never created illigitimate children, and has never been arrested. He’s got a pierced ear! Oh he’s going to hell for that!
So if that’s how they react over something so ridiculously trivial, can you imagine the absolute scandal our love would be? Now can you understand my bewilderment and anger? When has LOVE ever been a bad thing? Why do we need to pick and choose who we care about? Who dictates who we’re allowed to love? Being gay is not bad. Being a lesbian does not make me a bad person. To have these special feelings for another is a gift. To have that person reciprocate those feelings is a miracle. Who are these self-rightious zealots to look down upon my happiness, my miracle? Am I not entitled to it? Am I hurting anyone? How on earth can my love for another person, regardless of gender, be harmful to anyone else? It boils my blood to know that so many people exist who believe it is not only their right, but their duty to oppress others with their personal beliefs. Tell me, are they so perfect that they can judge others?
In the end it doesn’t matter. It is what it is and I can adapt. I will go on loving my beautiful woman in whatever way I can. No one is going to take that away from me.
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Categories: • Lesbian Love • Personal Insights