Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Not-so-Candid not-so-Camera
Oi vey, and I’m not even Jewish. After posting my last drama-filled story, we got another call. The police were at our house. Aw fuck now what? Turns out the coward of a boyfriend socked one of the girls (the daughter’s girlfriend) in the face after an argument. She called the police on his ass (good for her!) and he took off.
So now that this good-for-nothing deadbeat is on the lam, everyone is a little bit on edge. We’re starting the process of getting a restraining order. We’re also looking around to get our front gate replaced with a nice, sturdy iron one. But I wanted something immediate that would help deter any “stupid ideas” that he might get should he decide to come back. Like security cameras.
No way I can afford any kind of real video camera surveillance system, but he doesn’t know that. He got all freaked out when I put my webcam in the window to record some doggy activity two weeks ago. (Now why would anyone freak out about that if they weren’t doing anything wrong, hmm?) So I think a non-funcitonal camera will do the trick.
I started shopping around for “simulated security cameras”. (Fake! It’s a fake!) There are so many. The cheapest ones were like $5-$8. Here’s one:
I mean look at it. Does it not look like a toy? Who is that going to fool? Then I found a set of 2 for $14.99. Nice deal, right?
At first I thought they looked real, but the longer I looked the more it looked liked something I might find at Toys R Us. Why be stingy if the end result is going to be “Ha! Look at that piece of garbage!” instead of “Ooh they’ve got a surveillance camera, I better behave. Cheese!”
Obviously I had to go to the next price bracket. I was about to get this one, which was $24.99:
Then I noticed that the base can only be mounted one way. What am I going to do, post it on top my slanted roof? That would look so stupid, not to mention FAKE. Finally I saw this one:
It was $36.99, but was exactly what I needed. Doesn’t it look all spiffy, cool and REAL? You can actually remove the fake camera inside and replace it with a real one. I was all set to order when I found out it would take 2 weeks for them to send it to me. What?? No! I want it NOW! I want to instill fear into evil-doers now!
In a fit of exasperation I called around various electronics stores in the area until I finally found one that sold fake security cameras. It cost a few dollars more than ordering the one online, but I got instant satisfaction baby! I was so happy to have found it. After taking it home I immediately started to assemble it and found that it had no fake little camera inside. It was just the external housing with a glass window. You could see inside and see that it was empty. The box lied to me! It had a picture of a little fake camera inside! Damn liars.
I wasn’t about to drive all the way back to the store, only to find out that that’s how they are. So I decided to just cover the damn glass on the inside with black cloth, back it with cardboard, and install everything. I even had to provide my own coaxial cable to make it look more real. (Oh the price we pay for instant satisfaction.) I worked well into the night, atop a pretty tall ladder, drilling, screwing and tightening. (Err, screwing as in screwdriver and screws, not, um, fooling around, heh.)
This morning I applied some spackle around the wire where I jammed it into a hole in the stucco, and voila! I now have what looks like a security camera tracking my front gate! I am so proud. Have a look!
I’ll take some better, closer photos later. I had to rush off to work.
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