Thursday, April 06, 2006
I'm keeping my feet on solid ground
I admire people who have skills that I don’t have. I am in awe of those who take that skill a step further than most people. There’s a certain blog friend out there (and if you read Snozzberries you know who I’m talking about) who can not only roller skate, she’s decided to join a roller derby. Wow. I kept waiting for her to pop out and say “April Fool’s!”
This made me think about the few times I tried learning how to skate. Let’s face it, it’s easy transportation and just plain cool. The first time was when I was little, I don’t know, something under 10 I think. My sister and I got skates, so we strapped ‘em on and started stumbling around. Later that day my sister was actually skating more than stumbling. Me? I was still stumbling more than skating. I never touched those skates again.
In high school a family friend took me and my sister ice skating. I wasn’t all too thrilled by the prospect, but I went anyway. Try something new and all. My sister, of course, took to it with ease. Me? I clung to the walls all night. The only time I didn’t was when I was hanging onto my sister for deal life. I think I did marginally better on the ice than on the street, but not by much.
A decade after that I’m living on my own and having to take the bus to work. I had images of being all cool and skating to the bus stop, slinging the skates over my shoulder and then climbing on board. I was going to be one of the hip bus riders, if there is such a thing. I thought hard about it. That image in my head was quite compelling. I’ve never been cool in my life. I almost bought a pair of rollerblades twice. But I knew myself. What if it didn’t work out like the last few attempts?
My solution was to take a rollerblading class. Yeah yeah yeah, laugh all you want. I told a friend this and she burst out in a fit of giggles. The idea was absurd to her. I’m not above being absurd. I figured if a professional can’t teach me the skills, then there was no hope for me.
I went into the class feeling hopeful. I was finally going to learn to skate! The instructor gave us some tips and advice, then we laced up and started practicing. Some people took to it instantly. I tried really hard to relax like the intructor kept telling me. I could not. I cannot for the life of me relax when my feet are not on stable ground. I was incredibly stiff. I hate hate hate falling and was trying to make sure that I did not. I didn’t fall, but I wasn’t skating either. I sucked. Horribly.
After about an hour of this, my legs started to get incredibly fatigued. An hour of constant, frozen terror can do that to your muscles. I had to sit down. I watched everyone else slowly making progress. I had made none. It was official, there was no hope for me.
On the bright side… umm… hold on I’m trying to think here… bright side of being a loser… hmm… Oh! On the bright side I never got hit by a car while skating to the bus stop!
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Categories: • I'm such a dolt