Wednesday, June 07, 2006
I could've become a different person
The other night my sweety asked me if I thought I might have grown up differently if I’d been adopted and raised by a family like hers. I said most definitely. My core personality would still be the same—I’d still have a quirky, easy-going, fun-loving-yet-sometimes-boring personality. However I think I’d be a lot less neurotic.
I wouldn’t feel the constant need for approval from others. I wouldn’t be so self-conscious. I wouldn’t doubt myself as often as I have in the past. I’d be more outgoing in real life. I think here, online, I’m the person I was meant to be. In my day to day interactions with people I am plagued by inhibitions. I worry what others think. I embarrass very easily. I do not take criticism well. I’m one of the most defensive people you will ever meet.
Had I been raised by a mother who showed more affection and support, with less criticism and fewer “we must have results” actions, I could very well be a gregarious, social person who likes people. I might not shake like a leaf when speaking in front of a group. I might not have been an elementary school outcast. I would definitely have developed some self-confidence much earlier in life.
I’ve always been a highly sensitive person. Perhaps harsh words affect me more than others. Perhaps another person raised in the same environment would have fared better. I don’t know. It was just interesting to think about. My sweetheart’s family is so happy and openly loving. My parents were cold, distant and uncommunicative. What a contrast. Doesn’t it make you wonder how you would have turned out if you’d been raised in a different environment?
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