Monday, April 24, 2006
Dealing with infatuation
T wrote a post involving crazy bisexual ex-friends… which reminded me of one experience I had with a bisexual girl. I was fortunate that she was not psychotic, but there’s still a bit of a story to tell.
Way before I ever met the love of my life, I was infatuated with this other girl. I had answered an online ad she had posted on a whim, and she was surprised that someone had actually responded to it with some sort of intelligence. I guess I intrigued her, so we kept writing. We seemed to have a lot in common, so we decided to meet. She was very charming in person—vivacious, flirty and she loved to laugh at my lame jokes.
So we hung out some more. None of them were ever official dates, much to my chagrin. We would go to this gay bar she liked to frequent, and even though I was bored to death there, I went anyway because she was there. We would hang out with her little brothers (they liked me too because I often think like a kid myself). She kept giving me mixed signals. She would tell me she was emotionally unavailable, but then she would turn around and tell me how she thought my tomboyness was so cute.
Part of me told me to quit chasing her, the other (stupider) part of me said I still had a chance. One day she told me that she still missed her ex-boyfriend. Apparently he cheated on her after I don’t know how many years they’d been together. Ass. She had enough sense to not go back to him, but she still had feelings for him. You’d think I would’ve cooled it when I heard that. But at that time in my life I was lonely and pathetic and I thought if I hung around long enough she would eventually be ready for another relationship and I would be right there.
Well one night we were hanging out at the little bar and she’s off talking with her usual group of friends. This girl comes in, I’d seen her before on several occasions and she likes to flirt with Miss Emotionally Unavailable. Well she walks in and talks with her, and they start kissing. I’m like, WTF??? Have they been going out and she just didn’t bother mentioning it to me? This was no peck on the lips. It was full on macking out passion. I was devestated. All along I thought she didn’t want a relationship yet and all along she just didn’t want me. I was just friend material. I felt like she had strung me along for kicks. I felt betrayed, even though we never had anything. What happened to still loving your cheating ex? Just a story to fend me off I guess.
I’m in a much better place now, so whatever I felt for her then is completely irrelevant now. But I sometimes wonder how different people handle situations like this. If you had this cute [insert appropriate gender here] who had the hots for you, but you didn’t like him/her/it that way, how would you deal with it?
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Categories: • Personal Insights