Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Breakin' the Law
So we’re trying to refinance our gargantuan loan so that the monthly ouch is a little less. An appraiser was sent to our house to evaluate the improvements we made to determine how much more our house is worth now (crossing fingers, big bucks, no whammies!) The appraiser is a pleasant old man with a clipboard. After looking at this and that and jotting lots of notes, he turns to us and asks me, “I was looking for a heater, how do you heat the house?” I stare at him blankly and say, “Uhh.... blankets?"
See, the old furnace under the house was leaky and therefore dangerous, so we had it disconnected. The wall heater in the den was ugly, and useless since the furnace was disconnected, so we had it ripped out. The floor heater in the living room was even uglier and I’d already dropped multiple objects down the grill, so we had it covered up since it was using the same disconnected furnace. So bottom line, we have no heating, unless you want to count the oven.
The appraiser, patient as can be, replies,"I mean, do you have an electric space heater in a wall? A gas floor heater? How do you heat the house?” Again I stare at him with wide eyes and go, “Umm.... heavy jackets?” He chuckles and informs us that city codes require all houses to have some kind of heating system. And little portable electric ones don’t count. I don’t see why not. Isn’t a portable one better than one stuck in a wall?
Apparently not. He’s unimpressed by the 6-inch tiny heater/fan I pull out of the closet. But like I said, he was a nice guy. He sat for awhile figuring out a way for us to get around this remodeling error without reporting it to the city. He finally decides to report that the old heating system was removed and that we are in the process of having a new one installed. Half truth, half fib. Thank you mister appraiser dude!
So here I am, an outlaw. Violating building codes left and right. How do I live with myself?