Monday, March 27, 2006
Boy am I dense
My company had a little “health fair” recently. You know, one of those things that a company does to remind you that, honest, they really do care about their employees. No really, they do. Stop arguing with me dammit, this post is about me, not them!
They had this room set up with “health stations”. One station was for checking your blood pressure, another to check your body fat, another for checking your cholesterol… stuff like that. I stayed away from the one that required a blood sample. I don’t like getting stuck unless I have to. Yes I am a pain wimp. Yes I know they only need a drop and not a vial, but still, I don’t like getting poked with sharp objects!
Ahem. Moving on.
I answered a lengthy questionaire, which got fed through a machine and spit out an evaluation of my overall health. Everything was in the “Excellent” range except for one—“Fitness Status”. Bottom line is, I gotta get off my ass more often.
The most fascinating station for me was the one measuring bone density. They had this machine that you put your foot into. These rubbery things clamp down on your ankle and somehow measure how dense your bones are. According to the chart, a number of -1 is normal. -1 to -2.5 means it’s a little low, and less than -2.5 means you’re walking peanut brittle. The lady told me that most people were around -1 to zero. So I stick my foot into the device and she takes my bone mass meaurements. She looks up at me and says, “Are you made of cement?” She measures again, just to be sure. “Your bone density is 4.3!” she informs me. “That’s the highest I’ve ever seen!”
This would explain how I managed to smash in a truck’s cigarette lighter with my knee and walk away with only a bloody gash. So it’s official folks, I really am dense. Time for me to go take my cement supplements.
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Categories: • Office Hijinks • Personal Insights