Saturday, April 01, 2006
An Efficient Shopping Machine
On my way home yesterday I suddenly remembered that the dog food bin was alarmingly empty. The little ones don’t eat that much and one of those giant bags lasts for months. But I was literally scraping the bottom of the barrel, so I had pick up more now. Luckily I hadn’t driven past the Costco yet, so in I went.
I called my sweety while trying to separate two shopping carts with one hand. I suck at multi-tasking. I nearly hung up on her after finding out I needed to pick up salmon and asparagus while I’m there. I finally pried the carts apart, but not before making a lot of grunting noises and definitely not before figuring out that there were plenty of other carts I could have taken instead. I think it became a pride thing. Two shopping carts having interourse were not going to best me.
I made a beeline to the salmon and threw a package into the cart. I’m a single-minded robot when it comes to grocery shopping. I have a list and I rarely stray from it. I don’t mind grocery shopping, but I want to get through it as quickly as possible. Time wasted at the store is time I could be blogging! 
I then made another rapid beeline to the produce section. No asparagus. Oh well. NEXT!
I just need to get the dog food and I’m outta here. I went to the side of the store where they were last time. Hmm, there are mattresses and houseplants there now. Damn. So I cross the entire store to the opposite side to check where they used to keep them. Bear in mind that I’m powerwalking my way through throngs of other shoppers. I’m pushing my cart, no, I’m shoving my shopping cart like I’m racing a go kart around a track. I swerve to pass the slowpokes and totally change lanes without signalling. I get to the opposite end of the warehouse. Double damn! WTF did they do with the dog food?? I hate it that they’re contantly switching shit around! Yes I know it’s a ploy to make me shop for things I don’t want, but it’s wasting my precious time! I want dog food now! Where the hell did they hide it?
I go up and down various isles until I finally find an employee I can ask. With a slight “duh” expression on his face, he points to the aisle I’m standing next to. Figures. Anything to make me look likea fool, right? So yay, I got dog food. Finally. Dog food-shifting bastards.
It’s not until after checkout and I’m sitting in my car that I realize how much speed I really put into huffing my way around that store. I’m slightly out of breath. I feel like I just walked a mile at top speed… which I think I did. People probably thought I was nuts… which I am. But I got my dog food and salmon dammit. And the best part was, I got home at the exact same time my sweety did! All my efforts to shove people out of my way all led up to this perfect moment. Being a single-minded robot shopper definitely has its uses.
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