Sunday, March 26, 2006
A Fanatic Disguised as a Saleswoman
I hate commercial propoganda, especially when shoved forcibly down my throat. This is why I avoid things like tupperware parties. “Party” my ass.
So it was with much loathing and reluctance that I followed my sweetheart to her niece’s Herbalife party. Ugh. Her niece is a great person and if that’s what she’s into then I’ll support her decisions. Her I didn’t mind. It was her “supervisor” who was the pushy, peddling bitch. I guess her “underling” (niece) was still learning how to do the presentation, so this lady pretty much ran the show.
She had us trying the different drinks they offered. Before she launched into her well-oiled schpiel she gave us all a tall glass of this stuff called “Liftoff”. It was being passed off as an energy drink that apparently was popular with students. As she’s handing out the glasses, the following conversation ensues…
Pushy Bitch: This is full of nutrients and gives you lots energy.
Niece: Yeah, this stuff will keep you up all night!
Pushy Bitch: That is not true!
[Niece immediately shuts up as Pushy Bitch is glaring.]
As I’m sipping I read the ingredients. There’s caffeine in it. Well shit of course this stuff is going to keep me up. But there’s other stuff in it too, so I guess that’s the “energy” part of it. I don’t know. I don’t trust pushy people. Still, I only drank about 2 ounces of the stuff, and look what time this post is! I’m supposed to be knocked out by now! I get sleepy by 9:30pm because of my early work schedule. But damn, this is nuts. Two ounces did this to me, imagine if I had drunk the entire glass? You’re crazy lady, and obviously don’t give a shit about my sleep schedule and the fact that I’m supposed to be well rested for Monday. See, the niece wasn’t exaggerating. I probably would have stayed up all night if I’d had all of it. She was just being honest. But I suppose honesty isn’t a useful trait for a salesperson peddling Herbalife.
And you know why Pushy Bitch gave everyone this “energy drink” before starting her pony show, right? To keep me from embarrassing her and falling asleep of course! Don’t think I don’t see right through you, Pushy Bitch. You do not have my best interests at heart. You don’t even have your little underling’s best interest at heart. Peddling your little “miracle” products that you claim to have “all natural ingredients”. What a load of BS. I read the ingredients. There are plenty of unnatural things in there. I pointed it out to Sweety, who in turn called Pushy Bitch out on it. After a flustered second, she launched into a self-righteous speech, “I don’t care what’s in the ingredients or what the label says. All I know is that this stuff works! I’ve been using it for 26 years and I feel better than ever! No one has ever died from taking Herbalife. No one!” She goes on and on for another five minutes, basically repeating herself before finally giving me an evil look. Yeah I don’t like you either lady.
Does this not smack of fanaticism? The fact that she’s preaching the miracles of these products without caring to understand how or why they work? It’s frightening how much like a religion it seems. People like her scare me.
But if you ever need to pull an all-nighter, damn, that Liftoff stuff scares me even more!
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