Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Reviving my inner geek

In the past year or more I’ve become comfortable, complacent, and… oh all right, yes I’ve become lazy. What kind of a self-proclaimed geek has a five-year old cell phone, a six-year old computer, and a “professional” website that hasn’t been been updated in seven years? *coughLOSERcough*

Thanks to some needed prodding from my beloved girlfiend, I’ve decided to take action on multiple fronts. I’ll spread the details across multiple posts, but my current project is to completely revamp my website offering web design services (http://www.pennydragon.com). It is sooooo pitifully out of date and not representative of my current skillset at all. Here’s what’s there currently:

Bear in mind that when I created this, I had never had a real web design job. It was mostly taking designs that actual designers made and building/coding them. I was happy with it at the time, but now it just looks cute and childish. I want to pull my site out of the land of novices and into the world of polished professionalism. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

I’m still working on the content and the layout of all the text, but it’s more or less the direction I want to go in. I also plan on adding a couple snazzy features to make it seem more impressive… though I’m not quite sure what at the moment, heh. Any opinions? Better to get any changes in before I start coding, so any thoughts as an end user would be much appreciated, thanks!

Monday, June 16, 2008

What will YOU do with your stimulus check?

I received my “stimulus check” the other day from the government. Getting free money is always nice, but the reasoning behind it is a little silly. So I’ve got an extra $600 now… I guess I’ll go save the economy by spending, right?  Can I get that HD flat-panel TV I’ve been eyeing? Oh… nope that’s way more than $600. How about a blazing fast new computer… nope, that’s more that $600 too. Okay how about a nice vacation? Hmm, maybe a cheap one. Will that even cover airfare for two people? Barely, if we don’t go far. How about a downpayment for a new car? The dealership would probably laugh. Can I even pay rent with this money? Not even half.

I’m no economist by any stretch of the imagination, but from what little I understand, the flailing housing market is part of the reason for the depressed economy. People can no longer afford the ridiculous loans they got for the house they shouldn’t have bought (believe me, I know this feeling all too well) and now foreclosures are skyrocketing. Will $600 save their homes?

No, realistically, I’m going to pay off a little more of my credit card bill, which I’m still trying to get down to a reasonable level after that fiasco with the house. Will the $600 take care of even half of it? Not even close. But it’ll be a little closer to zero than before, so that’s something. So tell me, how much of a difference will $600 in your pocket make in your life?

Monday, June 09, 2008

Sweet shirt of the day

My sweety came home from the store the other day and brought me this awesome shirt:

Please ignore the yellow paint on the comforter… never paint anything in your room without covering everything in plastic. Actually, it kinda adds to the theme of the shirt, doesn’t it? 

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

I'm sure there are SOME SUV drivers who aren't assholes

There are some areas in the office parking garage designated for compact cars. These spots are noticeably narrower than the standard spots. And yet that doesn’t stop lazy idiots from parking in them.

That renders the neighboring space barely useable. And if someone does park there, I have no doubt that this idiot SUV driver wouldn’t think twice about denting the other car just to get in. If you insist that you need to drive a behemoth to the office, don’t be an ass. Find a spot your size.

Monday, June 02, 2008

I'm a Wii bit sore

Actually, I’m a lot sore. I haven’t gotten the Wii Fit yet (reminds me of the Honda Fit, which makes me wonder if it’s fuel efficient because it’s operated by foot power like the Flintstones?) since it’s pretty pricey (the game, not the car). I actually haven’t touched my Wii in a couple months. After watching a video review of Wii Fit, it reminded me that I shouldn’t ignore my poor neglected Wii console. So I fired up Wii Sports yesterday and did some boxing, some baseball, and then more boxing.

I seem to like boxing a lot. It’s my favorite sport in that collection of games. Am I secretly violent? Am I harboring aggressive tendencies and a repressed desire to knock people’s lights out? Hmm… Well whatever the case, there isn’t an ounce of that in me today. My arms are sore. Every single muscle in them are screaming, “You happy now, you violent freak??” I felt like an invalid trying to pull my pants up this morning it was so painful. You think they’d mind if went to work in my undies? They’d ask me why and I’d answer, “The pants were too heavy.” They would probably walk away wondering if I had planned on wearing chainmail to work. Or something.

Anyway, I don’t think I’ll be going to the gym today. I’m not that crazy.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Suggestions for witty dialog?

First of all, is it dialog or dialogue? I looked it up and it’e either way. I grew up spelling it “dialogue”, but have been seeing “dialog” more and more. I agree with this latter spelling because it’s not so ridiculous with the silent, useless letters. Anyway, my back to my original thought…

My sweety and I really, really love shows and movies with witty dialog, where the characters are smart, quick and generally funny with their comebacks. Unfortunately these shows are fairly hard to find. When we discover one, we latch onto it with the fervor of addicts.

Our most recent discovery is House MD. The man is smart, rude, sarcastic and charming all at the same time. We’re about to finish Season 2 thanks to Netflix. But once we catch up, we will be sad again because we will have no more witty shows to watch. Any of you have suggestions?  Here are some of our favorites:

Grey’s Anatomy - The character interaction is fast-paced and fun to watch.
Eli Stone - A new show this year, but the unique plot and fun characters made it very entertaining.
Ally McBeal - This show is long gone, but the conversations and characters were hilarious.
Juno - The plot of this movie would have likely turned me off, but the main character had such a clever tongue that we ended up loving it.
Iron Man - Even if it didn’t have top notch action scenes, Robert Downey Jr. alone would have carried the movie with his quick wit. Why wasn’t Spiderman ever this clever?
The Dukes of Hazzard - I’m just kidding. Just wanted to see your reaction. Yeee-haaaa!

Nothing gets us more excited over the Tivo listing than seeing Grey’s Anatomy ready to play. What other shows do you think we would like, based on what I’ve said here? We need to have something to tide us over until the fall season starts up again. Anyone?

Monday, May 19, 2008

Long Beach Pride - Not unlike a zoo

I went with some friends yesterday to the Long Beach Pride Festival.  It was my first time attending it. Overall it was… intersteresting. It was like going to the zoo. There were so many colorful people strutting around with mohawks, piercings, pink hair, fishnet clothing, and short shorts. I have never seen so many nipple rings in my life. There was a little bit of everything there, and one of the best places to go to people watch. There was always some interesting scenery.  This photo isn’t so great since I only had my phone, but this woman’s “top” consists of one square HRC sticker on each breast. She was happy and bouncy in more ways than one.

There was no shortage of drama either. Quite early in the afternoon, while we were resting in some shade near the medical tent, we saw this guy passed out on the grass. I don’t mean he was taking a quick nap on a blanket. The guy had collapsed flat on his face, completely drunk off his ass. His friend hovered around like a helpless gnat, not sure what to do. The EMTs came out of the tent and tried to help. For ten minutes they hovered around him, trying to wake him up. That’s when the intoxicated screaming began.

I’ve never heard a man make noises like that. I’m not sure what was going through his head (probably something like, “Oh my god kill me now.") but he was shrieking like a banshee. Soon a bicycle cop arrived, then another one. Every few minutes the number of policemen doubled until there were about eight of them standing around this poor fellow… doing absolutely nothing really. Supervising I guess. There was more screaming, some shouting from one of the bigger EMTs, and lots and lots of looky-loos with cameras. This guy is so going to be on hundreds of blogs today.

After about 15 minutes of this, they finally manage to haul his ass into the medical tent. More shrieking from the big drunk guy. Ten minutes later an ambulance finally arrives and it takes eight burly men to lift him up onto the gurney. The spectacle is finally over. Darn.

We missed the parade, and we’re not really much into the indy music scene, so there wasn’t much else to do but browse shops, which were disappointingly not varied. Really, how many booths filled with cheap-ass sunglasses can you possibly sell? Overall it was a disappointing experience. The $20 entry fee was pretty steep, food was kind of expensive, and it was really hot with little shade. Luckily we didn’t drive ourselves, or there would have been a $15 parking fee too. Somebody’s making oodles of money on this event.

What did we learn from this experience? Stuff we already knew, but forgot:

• Most outdoor events after April are going to be hot.
• If it might be fun and enjoyable, it’ll probably cost you more cash than you realized.
• Crowds are annoying.
• Seems like half the gay population smoke like chimneys.
• Staying at home is so much nicer than going to outdoor events.

Friday, May 16, 2008

I now pronounce you gay and married

It’s a revolutionary decision. The California State Supreme Court has legalized gay marriage in this state. They’ve decided, finally, that banning same-sex marriages is just like banning interracial marriage. It’s discrimatory and deprives basic rights of human beings for no good reason. Well duh. How narrow, uneducated and brainwashed do you have to be to not see that correlation?

Of course the deep-pocketed and loud-mouthed religious right has mobilized and are already in the process of putting a measure on the ballot to strike down this ruling. Fucking bastards, can’t they mind their own fucking business? I guess their idiot parents made them stay home from school the day they taught about separation of church and state in history class. As liberal as California tends to be, it’s terrifying how many conservative religious nutbags there are. It stunned me when a ban on gay marriages was passed several years ago… it hadn’t even been legalized yet! Are there really that many narrow-minded individuals in this state? It’s a very real possibility that they’ll succeed, again.  I just hope that this time there will be more people enlightened enough, and who care enough about human rights, to vote against their petty measure to discriminate in November when it comes up. If they don’t, we may as well throw out the Constitution and use the Bible as law. Wouldn’t that be great. Bring back slavery and women get to be chattel again.

In the meantime, let’s celebrate! The California Supreme Court says gay marriage is legal! Even though I’ve never been a fan of weddings and all that baloney, I firmly believe that people should still be allowed to marry if they want to. Whether your plumbing is an inny or an outy shouldn’t matter. Read more about this court decision here:  http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/05/15/same.sex.marriage/ and while you’re reading, here’s one of my favorite party songs of all time as your soundtrack: Party to Damascus by Wyclef Jean and Missy Elliott - rock out!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Nerd romance

This guy reprogrammed a Bejeweled game to display an engagement ring after his girlfriend reached a particular score while playing her favorite game. Some people think it’s lame, corny, etc. I think those people are just jealous. He is a hero among geeks!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

A ringtone just for mom

In honor of Mother’s Day, and in light of her undeniable involvement in my worst vacation ever, I have assigned a unique ringtone just for my mom. Any of my readers who have followed my past rants about how high strung and bossy my mom is will completely understand and recognize how appropriate my song choice is.

From now on, when my mom calls me, I will hear this ringtone.

For those of you not familiar with it, it’s called The Imperial March, also known as Darth Vader’s theme song. He controlled people by using the Force, my mom contols people with Guilt.

Those of you who happen to be parents or will become parents, take this as a lesson. Don’t be a control freak with your kids, or you’ll end up raising someone with a bottomless pit of resentment and an innate fear of rejection. Those of you who are victims of overly controlling parents, feel free to download this MP3 to your phone and use it as your mom’s unique ringtone. Cheers!

Friday, May 09, 2008

Worst vacation ever

I should have never listened to my silly mom and her hairbrained idea to visit my sister. “Wouldn’t it be great for us all to get together?” Sure, in theory. In reality, not so much.

I’ve never stayed over at my sister’s place before ever since we moved out of my mom’s house. Before her move to Houston, we’ve always been about an hour’s drive away. I had no idea what a terrible host she and her husband were. The first night we were there, I was lucky if I got even two hours of sleep. Since my mom was in their guest room, they blew up an air mattress and had us sleep in some open area they had upstairs with their exercise equipment. There was a huge curtainless window in the hall with a street light shining right into my eyes. But that’s not what kept me up. It was the constantly crying babies. Oh my god, every two fucking hours, wah wah wah.

My sister says that they’re not normally like that since they’re one and three years old. But because they were sick it made them all snotty, clingy and extreme pains in the ass. The following morning my sister was nowhere to be found, so my mom said our breakfast choices were outmeal or cereal. That was it. My mom makes terrible oatmeal, but she wouldn’t let me do it. She’s always been fussy to the extreme, and if you say something, she takes it personally.

At that point I was seriously looking into shortening my stay to a few days instead of a week. Unfortunately to change my flight plan would have meant an extra $400 for the two of us. My sweety had to make a valiant effort not to remind me every day that we could be enjoying our time so much more hanging out at home. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt so much regret over a decision.

My sister’s husband worked during the day, and she’s a stay at home mom. I can understand that having two sick kids is very distracting, and a husband is usually like a third child anyway. They all got sick with whatever virulent flu the kids picked up at the birthday party they went to before I arrived. I’m so glad I brought a bottle of vitamin C with me. I loaded up on that stuff the whole time I was there, and fortunately did not fall sick myself.

Our stay became a bit more pleasant once my sweety took over and made dinner a few times (which peeved my mom for some reason, I guess she prefers the mother hen role). They also took us to a few places around town, but traveling with toddlers definitely limits the fun factor for adults. I probably sound pretty selfish right now, but I really am annoyed that I wasted so many of my alotted vacation days visiting a family who was very much wrapped up in themselves.

Maybe it was the way I was brought up, with an overly fussy mom and all, but do toddlers really need to have their own rooms? I remember when we were kids, my mom would have us both sleeping on futons in her room when guests came to stay at our house. Is this normal, or is it more normal to stick guests wherever it won’t inconveniece you? Anyway, you can be sure I’m not going to be visiting them again for a long, long time.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Houston, hopefully we don't have a problem

Well tomorrow I’m off to visit my sister for the first time in her new house in Houston. I’ll probably be jealous. Houses are a lot more affordable there than they are in California. Then again you’d have to put up with high heat and humidity. And the possibility of being covered by water should the country ever get ripped in half.

Okay probably not. I watched a really bad movie while my sweety was away, called 10.5 Apocolypse. What is it about the Sci Fi channel that attracts bad made-for-TV movies and me at the same time? The plot was so outlandishly contrived, and yet I watched all four hours of it. I must’ve been bored or felt some strange need to punish myself. Anyway, the whole silly premise is the continental drift suddenly goes in reverse, and by suddenly I mean like overnight and accelerating in speed. A gigantic dormant faultline appears in the midwest and starts to rip its way down to Texas. The U.S. is basically torn in half with the rift being filled in by the ocean. So yeah, Houston becomes Atlantis. The nation grieves, boohoo, the end. You know a lot of land owners are rejoicing over the new beachfront property they now own.

So anyway… um… my point… oh yeah, there wasn’t one. Sorry.  See you in a week.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Please explain these poop bag instructions to me

Last week I had asked about what I should use for picking up dog poop that would be environmentally friendly yet still convenient. Zoe helpfully suggested Poopbags.com. I checked them out, liked what I saw, and thought they were reasonably priced, so I ordered a sample.

The bags are made of corn or corn husks or something, but they totally feel like soft plastic. They’re not brittle either, so I don’t have to be afraid of it falling apart on me. According to the site, it doesn’t start to biodegrade until after it’s exposed to the environmental factors that cause things to decompose—dampness, soil, bacteria, sunlight, etc. So I can totally throw the dog poop I collect into the greens bin now.  (The city has three trash bins, one for recyclables, one for plant material and other mulchables, and one for everything else.) I feel more responsible already.

The only thing that completely baffles me about these bags are the instructions that are printed on them. First of all, what kind of a moron do you have to be to require instructions on how to use a freaking bag to pick up poop? I’m actually surprised it doesn’t have a warning label telling me not to put it over my head because it’s not a toy. That being said, maybe I am a moron, because I just can’t understand part of it.

It has illustrations and instructions in seven different languages on how to “properly” use this bag.  See for yourself:

(Click image for bigger version)

Step 1 - Put my hand in the bag, okay got it.
Step 2 - Collect the droppings, right, duh.
Step 3 - Push the top through the hole… uh… what?
Step 4 - Pull the tip through the hole… wait, the tip of what? Which part??
Step 5 - The bag is closed… no it isn’t, wait! What is this, oragami??

Okay… so it’s got this round hole punched through the top of the bag. I thought it was like a handle or something. But the intructions say it’s somehow used to tie off the bag. The only way I can get my bag to look like Step 5 is if I do the traditional yet simple granny knot I always tie on all the bags I use for dog shit. I tried stuffing the top corners of the bag through this little hole, and it looked weird. Step three seems to be the crucial point that I’m just not getting, and that diagram is completely unhelpful. I mean look at it… does it not look like he’s opening a bag of chips?

Don’t get me wrong, I still like these bio-bags and will likely order a bunch more. I just don’t like being made fun of by a set of deceptively simple instructions on how to pick up poop. I ask you, does Step 3 make sense in any language?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Hey la hey la my girlfriend's back!

This past Sunday was a joyous reunion.  She finally was able to catch a flight home. Finally! I probably don’t have to include any details about what we did for most of the day after we got home. Let’s just say I had a few sore muscles the next day.

I tried to keep the house relatively clean while she was away, but of course my standards are far below hers. I didn’t do quite as well as I thought. However she said it wasn’t as bad as she expected, so that’s a good thing, right?

I’m so happy she’s back. I was half empty when she was away. Or perhaps I was half full?  Well I’m whole again, and that’s what matters. Now we can finally empty the queue that’s been stacking up in the Tivo. 

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

My sweety is still stuck in Miami

What was supposed to be a one week trip is turning out to be an unexpected extended stay.  She gets to fly for free thanks to her sister, but it has to be on standby, basically last priority out of all the passengers who need seats.  Getting over there was easy.  Coming back, however… what an ordeal.  American Airlines canceled thousands of flights, causing major delays for tons of travelers, not to mention jacking up ticket prices because desperate travelers didn’t have much choice if they wanted to go home.

I was curious why the FAA would order the airline to ground so many planes at once, so I read some news articles.  Basically they want them to inspect the grounded planes for correct wiring.  More specifically, to ensure that the wires are tied off in a particular direction.  ...Excuse me?  I don’t know much about engineering, but is it really necessary to ground hundreds of planes at once to make emergency repairs on… the direction some wire ties are facing?? WTF? Sounds to me like someone in the FAA is on a power trip.  Yeah I know, safety first. But come on, they couldn’t inspect them in batches?  Exactly how dangerous is a wire tie when it’s facing left instead of right?

Pardon my crankiness while I face my third week without my sweetheart.  I haven’t been away from her for more than a few days until now. To fill the void, I’ve been catching up on some sci fi shows, particularly Star Trek: Enterprise. It’s the only Star Trek series (besides the original series) that I didn’t follow. I rather like it. I just started Season 3.  I’d rather have my baby back though. (And I’m not talking about ribs.)