Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Join the modern world already

When I’m standing in a grocery store line, I am forever annoyed at the people who are still fumbling with their checkbooks. In this electronic day and age, why are these people still using pen and paper? Have these people not heard of credit cards? Even if they don’t have a credit card, debit cards are just as handy these days and work just as well as credit cards.

I personally hate to carry around more than $20 in cash. I usually have less. I can use cards practically anywhere, and it’s so much more convenient than counting out the change. Besides, when used responsibly, credit cards actually help your credit history. They help when you’re in a jam and don’t have enough cash to get that car repair done. They’re easy to cancel when they get stolen, unlike cash. Some places you can’t even get service if you don’t have a card! Why would you not have one?

So people, please quit annoying me by getting ahead of me in the grocery line and dragging out that damn checkbook. Join the modern world and use a card already.

Monday, July 10, 2006

I have rejoined the land of cable TV

Some of you might recall that, since moving into this house, we’ve been living without cable TV. Well all that changed this weekend.  Now that my car is paid off I can afford this little luxury. Yes folks, I now have cable. Had it installed on Saturday.

We marked this occasion yesterday by watching an 8-hour marathon of Project Runway, Season 1. I’ve never seen this show before and it’s addicting much like America’s Next Top Model. Nothing like hours of mind-raping reality television to make you feel fulfilled and content with the knowledge that, even though you may not be as talented as some people, at least you’re generally not viewed upon as a complete freak and you’re able to function in the real world as a fairly normal human being.

Well at least I do. I don’t know about you. 

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Run!

Last night I was sitting on the porch as my sweety was yanking snails out of her garden and stomping on them. I didn’t help because I hate killing things (though I will make an exception to annoying mosquitos who have it out for me).

Me: It’s a massacre.
Her: I hate the little buggers.
Me: I’m sure they hate you too. “Oh no it’s her, run!” *imitates a snail running at top speed… which is like watching a marathon runner in sloooooow mooooootion...*

Friday, July 07, 2006

An interesting exchange

Yesterday while I was at work, I got an email message out of the blue from my sweety. It simply said, “I WANT A BABY!” Given no background, context or any idea whatsoever as to what caused this line of thought, I was naturally terrified. I have known since childhood that I did not want to have kids. I just don’t. I have no mothering instinct whatsoever. So I wrote back, “What made you think of this?”

She then writes back, “I had a call and the lady had the baby with her. The baby was making such adorable sounds… and it made me want one. That’s all… wanna give me one? ” to which I replied, “How about a coffee shop instead?” You can read her perspective on this on her blog.

It’s been a lifelong dream of hers to own her own coffee shop. I’m not so big on owning my own business because it’s a LOT of work. You have to eat, sleep and breathe it. It’s a lot like parenting. However I’ll take the coffee shop over children any day because if the shop proves to be too much, you can always sell it and turn your attention to something else. Not so much with kids.

But in all honesty, as much as I’ll kick, scream and protest about what I don’t want, deep down I know I’ll give in to whatever she wants if she presses hard enough. Pardon me while I get mushy, but I’m a softy and I love her. I want to give her whatever it is that will make her happy, because seeing her smile makes me happy!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Why Stuffed Animals Make Better Pets Than Actual Animals

I’ve had little sleep and am cranky today, thanks to Little Brat staying up half the night barking at every fucking thing and nothing at the same time. I think it’s revenge for not being able to stay in the bedroom. I don’t like having pets. Seriously, I can live a perfectly happy life without them, but alas they were not my idea. Stuffed animals make much better pets, I think.

• You get the cuddly, soft furriness without the slobbery, wet licking.
• You can sleep next to them without worry of allergic reactions.
• They won’t go nuts every time strangers are around the house.
• You can go on trips and not worry about leaving them at home.
• No fleas.
• No fur all over the furniture.
• They won’t scratch on your door for half the night if you don’t let them into your bedroom at night.
• And most of all, they’ll never wake you up repeatedly in the middle of the fucking night for no good reason!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

It's World War 3 Outside

So here it is the Fourth of July, the most annoying holiday on the whole fucking calendar. It’s my bedtime because I have to get up early for work tomorrow, but it still sounds like World War 3 outside. Yes my city allows fireworks. For a week every grocery store had a fireworks stand outside selling colorful but irritating noismakers. Some even had two competing stands in their lots. I don’t believe for a second that anyone in my neighborhood is some huge I-love-my-country patriot. They just like to make noise. A lot of it. Any excuse to be loud and obnoxious is okay with them.

The only beings who hate the Fourth of July more than me are my dogs. The poor things. Chihuahuas are already high strung creatures as it is. Add inexplicable, non-stop loud noises to the mix and you have a pair of freaked out canines who think the world is ending. As I write this one is huddled in my lap and the other is cowering under my chair.

Earlier in the evening I had opened the front door to let them go out for a bit. They usually love checking out what new doggy odors are by the little trees out front. Not this time. I stepped out into the front porch and watched a few of the fireworks blowing up around me. Not only did the dogs not come outside with me, they retreated further into the house, staring at me as if to say, “What the hell are you doing?? Get back in here, do you want to die???” The way they were acting, I briefly felt like I was in a horror movie and I was the stupid one who goes out to see if the monster/murderer/alien is gone yet.

Today was going to be the day that I kick the dogs out of the bedrooms at night. I’ve been a huge pushover for too long and my allergies are suffering for it. No more dogs on the bed. But the timing really sucks because kicking them out of their “safety zone” on the one night of the year when the world around them sounds like a warzone is just a bit too inhumane. They might just become even more neurotic than they already are. I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow. I’m just afraid that “maybe tomorrow” will turn into maybe never.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Talking about teeth

I went to the dentist on Friday for my 6-month cleaning and checkup. No cavities, woohoo! He said I have really good teeth and didn’t even bother lecturing me about flossng. I hate flossing. I know I should do it, and I want to, but I hate doing it. My teeth are so close together that it’s really tight and hard to get the floss in. What he did say, however, was that I was a good candidate for bleaching. I’ll bet he says that to all his patients. No really, I think he does. I mean, they charge thousands of dollars to whiten your teeth to a color that isn’t natural. How healthy can that possibly be to your teeth? I don’t know. My teeth are bone-colored, which isn’t white. I wish people wouldn’t put so much emphasis on having that “bright white smile”. It’s so superficial.

Knock all my teeth out and I’ll still have a nice smile. Yes it’ll be a funky toothless grin, and I’m not sure what I’d be smiling about if my teeth were all knocked out, but it’ll still be a nice smile. It isn’t about the teeth. Smiles are about happiness, they light up your whole face. I believe they’re conduits for your inner beauty to shine through. Those who snarl more than they smile have very little inner beauty to share with the world. Who wants to be with someone like that?

All this talk about teeth and I forgot to brush this morning. I’m such a slob on the weekends.

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