Monday, July 31, 2006

Things you don't want to smell in the lunch room

I walked into the lunchroom at the office today and it smelled like… well, the first thing I thought of was a hamster cage. Lunchrooms should NOT smell like hamster cages. I looked around to see if there was a large wheel for us to run on. There was none. There was no sawdust on the floor either. So it must be someone’s lunch. Eww.

But this is better than the morons who put the popcorn in the microwave and then leave. The stuff burns and stinks up the entire place. The lunchroom, the hallsways, seeping across the entire floor. People, if you’re going to microwave popcorn, babysit the damn thing! Do NOT leave it and assume it’ll pop until it’s done and then turn itself off. It says so on the packaging—“turn off as soon as popping stops.” You’d think this was common sense. And yet it happens at least once a month. Ding dongs.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Natural Wonder

As much effort that goes into gardening, sometimes things just don’t turn out like you planned. Plants die because you water them too much, too little, too much sun, too little sun, or maybe they just got eaten. Gardens are just tricky to maintain. But sometimes nature reminds you that it doesn’t need your help to spread a little beauty around…

Friday, July 28, 2006

I still love you guys

Some of you may have noticed a lack of comments from a certain someone. Yes me, who else would I talk about? Well don’t worry about it, it isn’t your fault. (It’s not you, it’s me. Wait, are we breaking up??) My day is broken up into time blocks, such as working, sleeping, and home life. Some blocks are just not compromisable, like sleeping. If that gets compromised I get cranky. I don’t wanna be Cranky Dragon Girl, okay? For other blocks, it is not recommended to compromise them, like home life. If I reduce home life, there’s trouble in paradise. Then you get Depressed Dragon Girl instead.

The two most flexible blocks I have are free time and work. I’m lucky enough to be in an office where the manager does not hover over my shoulder. As long as the work is done, he’s happy. The less work I have, the more free time I have. Well lately it’s been vice versa. Projects have a way of ebbing and flowing, so sometimes I have more free time, sometimes I have less. I also spend some time splashing around in these forums. As a result my blog visits have diminished quite a bit. Sorry. But you know I’ll be back. Like Batman and Superman, I’ll always return. Today I’m dusting off my blogroll and makin’ my rounds! Please have milk and cookies available. Thank you.

Oh, and while I’m at it I think I’ll be adding her to my blogroll.

Edit: Di is so awesome. She actually had milk and cookies waiting for me on her blog when I went to visit! What a sweetheart. I’m willing to share if y’all want to head over there too. Mmmmm cookies…

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Girls Kick Ass - part 2

Yes! Finally someone worth renting to.  I had my “Rent My Blog” thing available since yesterday, and I kept getting bids by people I didn’t know.  I think the people you choose to share your space with reflect on you, so I can’t just pick anyone, you know?

But thankfully Tech Wench saved me. She’s a techie like me! But unlike me, she’s one of the cool geeks. And unlike me she can afford to order really spiffy stuff like a sleek Alienware computer system that makes me swoon.

Look at me, swooning over computers. Yeah geek is my middle name. Actually, it’s my first. Heehee. Oh forget about me, go visit her!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Can I help you?

I went to get a haircut today. I walk in, stand in front of the receptionist and say hi. She looks up with a rather bored expression on her face, like I was bothering her.  “Can I help you?” she asks.

I wanted to answer with, “Well let’s see, the name of your establishment is ‘The Haircutters’, so what do you think?” I’m not sure why the phrase “can I help you” irks me so much. I think it’s because, if you’re standing in front of them, waiting for them to look at you, you obviously need something. Of course they can help you. “How can I help you?” is much friendlier, I think. To me it indicates that they want to help you. It’s more “I’m here to serve you” and less “oh it’s you, whaddaya want?” Maybe I’m trifling with semantics, but sometimes it’s the subtle things that make good customer service.

Anyway, I came out with a fabulous haircut, so everything’s good!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Paranoia

I went to the sink to wash my hands just now, and I saw a bug resting in there on the side. I looked closer. It was a mosquito. They’re following me. The damn things are following me. How else would it have gotten into the women’s bathroom on the 13th floor of a high-rise office building whose windows don’t open?

Not much here today. Maybe she has more interesting things to read.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Hell on Earth

My visit to my mom ended up being postponed because I wasn’t able to change my tires in time. They’re okay for quick hops around town, but I really don’t want to get stranded in the middle of nowhere because my tires got blown out from long distance driving.  So I stayed home.

Oh my god it was so hot, all weekend long. We tried to escape the house as much as we could because staying in the house would’ve been absolutely miserable. Saturday we practically lived in the movie theater. Sunday we went to a museum.

Even the wildlife think it’s too hot. Although I don’t have a pool for me to jump into myself, I do have an occasionally leaky sprinkler that creates a nice little wading pool for small creatures. Some local birds discovered this and invited all their friends. They were having a blast. See for yourself!

I actually considered putting a boombox by the window so they could have some music to boogie to.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Superman is an alien

Yesterday as I was driving home, I passed by a movie theater that was showing the new Superman Returns movie. At the same time “Superman” by Five for Fighting was on the radio. It was an interesting coincidence, neither of which had all that much to do with the thought that popped into my head: Superman is an alien.

I mean, when you think of your typical alien, you don’t normally think of an invincible guy in blue tights and a cape, right? But he’s from another planet, so by definition, he is an alien.

Another random super-thought. You know that part of the “Superman” song I mentioned, where he says, “Looking for special things inside of me...” To me it always sounds like he’s saying, “Looking for special things in sodomy,” which I personally find much more entertaining. So Superman could be a gay alien. Well I’m all for diversity!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I'm like a walking Learning Annex catalog

This weekend I’m finally going to visit my mom. Although she’s never been exactly thrilled with my being gay, she can’t deny there are certain benefits to having a daughter who’s geeky as well as handy with things that have been traditionally “the man’s job”. We’ve got a whole list of things I’m supposed to help her with when I get there…

• Install knobs onto her kitchen cabinet doors.
• Get rid of spyware causing ad popups on her computer
• Install additional spyware protection
• Show her the basics of using Photoshop
• Teach her intermediate skills at using Word
• Show her how to record streaming music into MP3s
• Show her how to burn DVDs

And probably a few other things. I’m like a walking Learning Annex catalog for my mom. But that’s cool, because I don’t know what else we’d talk about. I don’t particularly enjoy talking about personal stuff with anyone other than my sweetheart. At least she has DSL now. She’s been using dialup for the longest time, until a friend convinced her that DSL was so much better. Thank goodness, because trying to download software using that crappy dialup connection was just mind numbing.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

What a waste

I pass by a couple schools on my way to work, so I see a lot of students.  Last week I saw a girl getting dropped off in front of the high school. She had on a skimpy top and a short, short skirt. The only thing she carried with her was a small makeup bag. No pencils, no books, just the stupid makeup.

What the hell? I see tiny elementary school kids with backpacks as big as they are, and here’s this little high school hoochie-mama with nothing but a makeup bag. It pisses me off how little some people care. They’re more concerned about looking like they stepped out of Vogue than they are about learning anything. (Although with an outfit like that they’re more likely to be stepping out of Lowrider magazine.)

I’m not usually one to judge so quickly, but I hate to see people piddling away their futures by putting their priorities on boys or whatever the hell it is they’re thinking about. Just one more idiot to add to the mountain of ignorant idiots. And then they’ll have 6 kids before they can even drink legally, adding more idiots to the pile. It’s a viscious cycle because the same disregard for education gets passed along through generations. Parents, for the love of your own kids and their futures, remind them why school is so important. They don’t really want to end up being Walmart clerks or used tire salesmen, do they?

Ugh, enough about these idiots. Go visit my renter instead. She’s definitely no idiot!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The Unseen Enemy

They’re after me again. Last night, that familiar, loathsome buzzing was back. The mosquitos have it out for me. It wouldn’t be so bad if they would just bite me and then leave me alone. But no, they insist on honing in on my ear and making me flail like a blind idiot.

Why do these little pests like to buzz by my ear all the time? I came up with a theory last night while cowering under my sheets. Here me out… creatures that have evolved to live in high heat environments have large ears so it’s easier for them to dissipate heat from their bodies. I know this because the Discovery Channel told me so. As humans we lose the most heat from our heads. Again, the Discovery Channel (or maybe it was The Learning Channel). So wouldn’t it be safe to say that most of the heat comes out of our ears? And if mosquitos seek their meals by zeroing in on heat sources, maybe that’s why they go for the ears so often? Makes sense to me. I’m brilliant!

But it still didn’t solve my dilemma last night. As usual my sweetheart didn’t feel a thing. After awhile I decided to just try to ignore them and go to sleep. I managed to fall asleep, probably because the mosquito (or maybe mosquitos, who knows how many there were?) finally found some skin to land on. Four hours later I woke up with three itchy welts on one arm and one on the other arm. I was annoyed of course, but I figured at least now they’d quit buzzing around. They were probably fat and happy and rolling around in some dark corner of the room, giggling like drunkards.

I was wrong. Damn greedy bastards. They went for my ear again. That was it. I grabbed my pillow and a spare blanket and marched to the guest room. We keep it closed all the time so chances were slim that there would be any flying vermin in there. I was finally able to sleep in peace.

It’s not like we live in some swampy area for goodness sake. So now I have to think of some kind of solution or my sweety will surely want to ship me off to a mental hospital. I don’t really want to spray pesticides all over the place where I sleep, but maybe I can make it unpleasant for them. Like some citronella spray. I’ll try that. Or maybe I’ll just say screw it and fog the damn place with chemicals. Fear me mosquitos, for I am on the warpath. I may not be able to see you, but it doesn’t mean I can’t get you!

Saturday, July 15, 2006

I guess they're cute, but...

I see a lot of vehicles, mostly large SUVs, with stickers on their rear window representing the family. They’ll have the mama sticker and the papa sticker and the kids too. Sometimes even the pets have their own sticker. I guess it’s cute, but sometimes I’m amazed at how many stickers stretch across their window. I’ll be driving behind one of these things and count 1, 2, 3… 6 kids??? Holy crap! Ever hear of birth control? That’s a lot of stickers.

What I find stupid about all this are the ones who choose to put names under each one. So we’ll have Mom, Dad, Janie, Bobby, Tim and Lucas. (Poor girl surrounded by three brothers, what torture.) Then we’ll have Princess the cat and Sport the dog. Now, how wise is this? In this crazy world full of stalkers and con artists, these people would be easy targets. Sometimes all you need to know are some family names to start a big of social engineering to worm your way into some fraud action.

Maybe I’m just paranoid. Don’t you think advertising the quantity and names of your family members is stupid?

Friday, July 14, 2006

Girls kick ass

I’m a girl who works on websites. Whenever I encounter other girls who work on websites, I automatically think they kick ass. This week’s renter kicks ass. After reading some of her stuff, my initial impression was correct. Dawn does indeed kick ass.

I wonder how many times I can mention the word “ass” in a post without being offensive?

Oh who cares. Go check her out already.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Then and Now

As kids we had different perspectives on things than we do now that we’re adults. I was thinking about a few things that I used to think differently about, compared to what I think about them now. Here are some examples…

	What I thought as a kid	What I think now
Hot Tubs	Ugh, sitting in a hot tub is like cooking yourself.	I could really use a good soak right now.
Massages	Ouch that hurts!	Ooh right… THERE! Oh yeah...
Sex	*head scratching*	*drooling*
Music	"Suuuuuunny days, keeping the cloooouuuuuds away...”	“I like big butts and I cannot lie..."
School	I like school. The teacher thinks I’m smart. I wonder what we’re making in arts and crafts today?	Thank god that’s over with.
Money	Wow I have $5 in my piggy bank!	Wow I have $5 in my bank acount???
Video Games	I loooove video games! I could play them all day long!!	Oh, um, not much as changed, heh. I loooove video games! I could play them all day long!!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

We expected this, didn't we?

My car was due for an oil change, so I took it in for service at the dealership. Upon getting it back…

Dealership Dude (DD): It looks like your car is leaking oil.
Me: What? Really? But I haven’t seen any drips.
DD: Right, that’s because it’s a slow leak in the bell housing. The seal is wet.
Me: How much would it be to fix it?
DD: Well, we would need to remove the transmission to get to it, so the cost would be $1461.
Me: Wow. Okay, so it isn’t a bad leak, right?
DD: Not yet, the seal needs to be replaced.
Me: Okay.
DD: Do you change your tires one at a time?
Me: Well, one got flat and wasn’t repairable, so I replaced it a few months ago.
DD: The other three are worn and need to be replaced.
Me: Oh, yeah. How much is that?
DD: For the three, $405.
Me: I see.
DD: As a courtesy we went ahead and changed your burned out turn signal for free.
Me: How nice. Thanks.

Well gee, thanks for taking care of the cheapest thing possible. Courtesy, ha.

So all your predictions came true. My car got paid off, and it promptly decided to slowly start breaking down. It’s normal, I know. After five years all the rubber things start to get brittle. So instead of car payments I get to make mechanic payments. This sucks. I gotta find me a cheaper mechanic.

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