Thursday, February 02, 2006

As promised...

If you can follow the string of comments found here, you’ll see that I am accepting donations of money, food and power tools in exchange for mentioning your name in my utterly fabuous blog. It’s a totally cool thing to beg for money these days, everybody’s doing it. But I thought I’d go one step further and accept food donations as well. I’ll eat anything, provided it hasn’t become fuzzy or smelly. Ms. Chatty was kind enough to squish a shitload of comestibles (and Jello) into her CDROM drive and it oozed out of mine a few minutes later. Very kind. (The Jello was especially generous, how did you know I prefer the green kind?) And now I have mentioned her here, as promised.

Don’t you feel completely fulfilled and whole now? That’s the kind of service I provide. You, too, can have your name mentioned here, for a modest donation of course.

Wondering about past American Idol winners

It’s my first time watching the show, so I’m not all that familiar with how everything works. Was Kelly Clarkson the first winner of the show ever? I know I could Google this and be done with it in 5 minutes, but then what would I blog about this morning? Why do in 5 minutes what could take me half an hour instead? (You’re thinking, “Half an hour?? Did you, like, lose an arm or something? Or are you just… slow?” Hey! I put a lot of thought into my blog! It may not show, but I do. I have to sort through a lot of crap in my head. PLUS I proofread! If I didn’t do any of that, this thing would be a complete mess.)

Now, what was I saying? Oh yes, past winners. How come Kelly Clarkson is the only one I hear on the radio? What happened to the other winners? They mention “Fantasia” as a previous winner, but I’ve never heard anything about her. What happened anyway? Perhaps the music industry decided they didn’t want an artist named after a weirdo feature-length drug-induced cartoon? Speaking of which, what parent would name their child after an animated movie featuring dancing pink elephants? And if she picked the name for herself as a stage name… WHY??

It just occurred to me that I might have heard some of the other winners on the radio, but didn’t recognize them because I just don’t know their names. Not likely, but possible. Maybe their songwriters were just untalented and horribly generic. Maybe they weren’t all that talented to begin with? I dunno, never watched ‘em.

But Kelly Clarkson made it, and I think that’s cool. I tried not to like her because, well, I don’t know. It’s like we’re supposed to like her because American Idol pronouced her a winner. I don’t like being told what to think. But I hear her on the radio and… I don’t change the channel. I find myself actually… liking her songs!  She really is a good singer, and the songs are kinda catchy. I’m not going to rush out and buy her albums (is there more than one?) but I will tip my hat to talent when I encounter it.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

What a Spazz

Ever since the day I followed a link to ITalk2Much.com, I’ve become addicted. It’s the funniest shit I’ve ever read in my life! I’ve left dumb comments here and there on a couple of their posts. One thing I keep wondering about is how come some people have icons next to theirs and others (losers like myself) don’t? So today I took it upon myself to ask. I sent quite a spastic email to Ms. Chatty and, considering how tangential and confusing it was, I don’t really expect an answer.

This is what happens when your brain whirls out thoughts at 300 mph while your fingers try to keep up. You’re curious now, aren’t you? How bad could it be? Well it just so happens I’m going to share it with you. Be glad I didn’t send this to you.

Ms. Chatty,
You probably don’t have time for stupid messages from annoying people like myself, but I had a question, obviously. I was kinda wondering why some people had photos next to their comments and some didn’t. The answer has to be somewhere obvious but I’m so new to the world of blogs that I still have that awful new blog smell on me. Sorry about that, I’ll try to shower more.

So anyway, I thought maybe they were registered members of this site. Valid guess, right? So I clicked on the Register link. The registration page is… unbelievably UNsnarky! The Terms of Service even stated “By registering at this site you agree not to post any messages that are obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, or that violate any laws. We will permanently ban all users who do so.” Now this REALLY confused me. Isn’t obscene, vulgarous slander all we do around here? (That and make up words like “vulgarous”.) Heh, listen to me using the word “we” like I’m a part of all this. Delusional. I’m just so hooked on this site and its brutal, side-splitting honesty. I think I’ve actually gotten used to liquids being snorted out through my nose. Okay that’s gross, stop it.

So, um, my point… what was it? Something about member registration and what the heck is it for? Because if it’ll make me cooler then I’m in like Schwinn baby. Er, in like sin? Kin? Ambien? Nevermind. I’ll never be cool.

-The Geeky Dragon Girl

My Embarrassing Problem

It isn’t feminine itch, that cleared up last month. (Please realize I’m kidding. It hasn’t actually cleared up. I’m kidding! Confused? Good, let’s move on.) I’ll just spit it out. I have dandruff. I will never speak of this to anyone except my honey… and the entire world too, if in an anonymous format. Like this blog for instance.

Why is this such an embarrassing topic? Because of the stipulations that come with it, and general lack of knowledge. If a person has flakes all over themselves, the first thought that comes to mind is usually something along the lines of, “Wow that person needs to wash his hair more.” It’s like you’re labled as this dirty person, when in actuality it has nothing to do with hygiene. Well, occasionally it does. Some people really are gross.

But for most of the other poor bastards such as myself, it’s more of a scalp PH thing. Not PhD (the top of my head has not, to my knowlege, achieved a higher degree than me) but PH as in acidity. Mix in a little unique body chemistry and you’ve got yourself a blizzard. I run my hands through my hair and I’m a walking snowglobe. I hate it.

I’ve tried washing my hair more. I’ve tried washing it less. I’ve read about certain foods I should avoid to help change your PH balance, like cutting out animal fats and dairy. Cut out my ice cream, yogurt and cheese? Oh hell no! I’d rather be stuck wearing light colors than be deprived of dairy.

Apple cider vinegar was recommended as a “magical” way to eliminate dandruff. I tried it once. It wasn’t magical enough for me. Not only did the smell make me want to vomit, it was cold. Again, I would rather be stuck wearing light colors. That smell really clings to you, yech.

I also tried Nizoral, a dandruff shampoo. I think that might have worked if, well, if I wasn’t me. The instructions say to leave it on for 5 minutes, then rinse it out. Five entire minutes? That’s the length of time it takes me to get into the shower, get clean, and get out! You’re telling me I have to stand around in the shower for five extra minutes? I have no patience for such things! So I think I usually ended up rinsing it out after about one, maybe two minutes tops. *sigh* Maybe I’ll give that stuff another try. It’s better than my other options.

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