Friday, February 06, 2009

Working from home

I can’t remember if I mentioned it before or not, but my sweety got laid off last year, and we both agreed that it was nice for her to not have a full time job. She’s been spoiling me with having dinner ready when I get home and doing my laundry all those nice wifely things. The other side of that, however, is that she is often lonesome without me there.  So I have a new goal in life.

I’ve always wanted to work from home before, but I have a huge reason to do it now. I want to be with my honeycakes! (Feel free to wince at my ooey-gooey-ness.) I have done some freelance work (www.pennydragon.com is my freelance site) but it is so sporadic and far in between that I can’t rely on it for income. Talk about stress. I need a telecommuting job.

The consulting firm that I mentioned in the last post will take some time to gather momentum to the point where I can make a living off it. In the meantime, there must be other opportunities. I’m sure thousands of others are clamoring for the same thing, so it’s a matter of luck to find one.  So far I’ve only found one site dedicated to telecommuting job listings (it’s a butt ugly site too), and most of those listings seem like temporary projects. Still, there are a few that are tempting me to cough up the $15 access fee to be able to contact these companies.

I want to work from home, but I also want the steady paycheck. Tough thing to find. Even tougher for me since I’m not blindingly brilliant at what I do. A quick-learning jack of all trades just isn’t so much in demand.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

I need a change

The CEO of the company I work for just turned 30. That makes me nearly 6 years older than him, and where have I ended up? No place in particular. It’s just a little disconcerting to look out from under my rock and realize that the world is passing me by. Even my immediate boss is younger than me. In the past I’ve posted that I’m an unambitious person who has no desire to strive for more responsibility, that I was content being a grunt. I suppose that’s starting to change. The thought of passing 40 and being surrounded by coworkers at my level that are half my age does not please me. I need to do something about it.

Being a grunt means no one listens to you, that you are easily replaceable, and basically not all that important. As I was frying my egg this morning and munching on cereal, I was struck by the repetitiveness of it all. I’ve had the same breakfast at the same time practically every workday for years. I do have a high tolerance fore repetition, but eventually I get the itch to do something different.

The online video game group I talked about before? Gone. The money guy gave up trying to get funding, and with no one else willing to take up that cause, the wind pretty much left the sails. Without funding there’s no chance for success, so I gave up too. After I quit the group, there was pretty much no more leadership. Too bad, it could’ve been fun. But an interesting development did come out of it. The money guy, who seems very business savvy and ambitious, expressed how impressed he was with my work ethic and my contributions to that group, and asked me if I would be interested in joining the consultancy he was about to start. Naturally I was interested. It’s another opportunity to be on board something that could grow into something great, and if I’m at the ground level when it takes off, then success is mine.

Of course it could come to nothing, just like the video game group. But those are the risks, and considering he’s asking for no monetary investment, I think it’s a pretty safe risk to take. All I would lose is time. I really am becoming weary of being an organ grinder for companies who have no interest in my being anything other than an obedient monkey.

Friday, December 12, 2008

A bit of amusement

The company I work at moved to a new building, and everyone hates the parking situation. It’s really close to the airport, so the owners of the parking garage also sell parking spots to overnight airport travelers. Needless to say there are always tons of cars, often parked in places where they shouldn’t be. The spots all tend to be narrow and cramped as well. It sucks.

This morning as I was driving in to work, I found a decent spot next to a pillar and angled into it. I thought I might be a little too crooked, so I got out and checked, and had the following conversation with myself:

“Let’s see...” *looking at car relative to lines*
“Oh I am straight, good!”
“...”
“Well… my parking is straight anyway...”

Monday, December 08, 2008

Guess I didn't wait long enough

Ever since the blowup with my mom, we havn’t spoken. I figure a month of sulking was enough, so I emailed her to re-establish communication. I’m perfectly happy not talking to her, but I know she isn’t, so I figure my efforts will make her happy. Well… apparently her happiness, at this moment in time, means admitting I was wrong. In my reach-out email I said there will be some things we won’t ever see eye to eye on, but let’s put that behind us.  Her response was explaining her side of the story, without a single “I’m sorry” or even the least bit of an apologetic tone. Seriously, she thinks she had every right to do what she did, and that basically I don’t appreciate her trying to protect me.

So my attempt at re-establishing contact ended up being a continuation of the previous argument. Just because I didn’t cave in and grovel my apologies to her, she’s decided to stop talking to me again. What-the-fuck-ever, I don’t really care. I was going out of my way to let her know I don’t hate her guts, but she seems determined to play the victim with my sweety as the bad guy. Well guess what mom, you can’t raise kids the way you did and expect them to take your side when an argument erupts between you and your kid’s significant other.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

What have I been doing?

I know, neglecting my blog again. I’ve been very distracted. I’m part of a small startup group who is planning on creating a massively multiplayer online game. One of the unique things about this group is we came together from around the world (UK, Australia, Poland, etc) because we all participate in the same game forum. An idea was sparked and I’m proud to say I was instrumental in starting the wave of enthusiasm.

I can’t go into any detail yet since it’s all still so new. We don’t even have a company name yet. And even though this project is everyone’s “second job”, there is still a lot of serious effort going into it. If we can maintain the momentum, I think it could be a success. When we finally get around to the development stage, we’re going to have to find some 3D graphics gurus, but for now we are an idea machine trying to get to that stage where we can start turning it into reality.

I’m really excited by the prospects of this project because I’ve never been involved in anything like this. My whole life I’ve pretty much been a cog in a machine, and that’s okay since I’m not ambitious. But after this taste of being a part of creating something… it’s a totally different feeling. I feel important… useful, and if this thing actually takes off, it will become a well known endeavor. People might actually recognize the name. I’ll get fewer instances of “Oh, never heard of it,” as a response after I tell them where I work.

Thoughts of running a company have always scared me because I know very little about business. I don’t want to deal with finances, licenses and whatever other crap you have to do. But with a group getting together, the member who is the business expert can deal with that stuff instead. You’re no longer alone in getting the company to succeed. Everyone pitches in. I don’t have to do everything, but I am still an integral piece of the puzzle. It’ll be so awesome if this works out. Chances are I could probably work from home forever since there’s no need to commute to a virtual office.

So that’s what I’ve been up to. Dreams this big don’t come around that often for me.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Doggy pee-mail

We watched a TV show the other day where the guy was saying that dogs peeing on various surfaces are not just marking territory, but leaving messages for other dogs.  He also said that it’s not just the urine, but their feces also convey messages to other dogs. He said they’re like billboards announcing things, and that they probably think we are strange creatures for picking up their droppings.

That really put things in a new light for us.  Now when the little buggers are whining to go out for a walk, we know what they really want is to go check their messages. I tell my sweety, “It’s time for them to check their pee-mail!”

It’s entertaining to wonder what they might think of us, if their little piles of crap are indeed like doggy billboards or flyers. I mean, they do sniff every single pile they come across during the walk. So if I always pick theirs up when they poop, I can well imagine their reaction if they could talk… “Hey, put that back! How else am I supposed to let that sexy Pomeranian down the street know I’m available?”

Those heavily marked trees and street light poles must make for some pretty boring message centers though. The conversation is probably something like this:

“Hi everyone, I’m a 5-year old really, really buff male dog, and this is my tree.”
“Welcome, but you’re mistaken. I’m buffer than you and this is my tree.”
“You’re both wrong, this is MY tree.”
“Nuh-uh, it’s my tree.”
“Nonsense, all of you bugger off, the tree is obviously mine.”
“No one asked you, because the tree is MINE.”
“‘Fraid not, it’s my tree.”
“No, my tree.”
“No! MY tree!”
“Nonono, MY TREE!”

Were it a forum thread, it would no doubt be 60 pages worth of these messages in one week alone. No wonder they’re always so antsy to go walking, they can’t fall behind or they would be totally lost in the conversation.

Monday, October 06, 2008

My butt is back in the office chair

It’s my first day back in the office since my operation. Feels weird. The month of working from home was like a vacation, especially since they gave me hardly anything to do. It was awesome. I got to sit around, being “available for work” online, while watching movies at home, and getting paid for it. I got so spoiled, especially with my honey pampering me the whole time.

But it’s back to the daily commute for me. Speaking of which, my poor, poor car… been sitting on the street for a month practically untouched. You can hardly see out the windows it’s so dirty. I was driving to work, and every car around me looked filthy because my windows tainted the view. I’m driving it through the car wash today, twice.

I’ts easy to slip back into routines though. The conversations I had with the guys I work with were pretty much like this:

“Hey!”
“Hey!”
“You’re back!”
“Yup. Did I miss anything?”
“Nope. Not a thing.”
“Huh. Feels weird to be back.”
“I’ll bet. Well, time to get some coffee.”

Funny how men rarely discuss anything personal. There wasn’t a single question about the operation or my recovery. But I kinda like that. I’m not really into befriending my coworkers anyway. 

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I guess my mom is an equal opportunity psycho

I talked to my sister about my most recent blowup with my mom. She then told me about how she does similar crap regarding her husband. She’s told my sister things like, “You need to do this if he ever leaves you,” or “I don’t like how he [insert normal behavior here],” and even, “You can’t trust men.” There’s being protective of your daughters and the natural tendency to think that no one is good enough for your kids, but come on. Constant warnings about your spouse is more than just annoying.  We’ve both come to the conclusion that our mom has no idea what a normal, loving relationship is.

It’s comforting to know that your sister is on your side.  She was telling me about the time my mom and I both went to visit her in her new Texas home.  Apparently my mom didn’t want me to bring Areli with me.  She had privately told my sister that she was disappointed because she was hoping for more “family time” together.  My sister, always more outspoken than me, plainly told her, “She IS family mom.” She told me she was rewarded with a glare from my mom, but it shut her up.  Good for you sis! You rock.

To quote my sister, “My husband and I have given up trying to understand her and we’ve just labeled her as psycho. It makes it easier to deal with the things she comes up with. “ My sentiments exactly.  My sweety could never understand this bizarre family dynamic with my mom, but she understands my relationship with her a lot better now.  She was finally able to see firsthand that my mom really is kind of psycho, so we just have to ignore it when we can.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

More drama than any cyst removal deserves

Woops, didn’t mean to drop off the face of the blogosphere. I had my surgery on September 5th, so I’ve been a bit preoocupied. The cyst removal turned out to be a lot more than that. They have confirmed that I do indeed have endometriosis, and a more advanced case at that. When the doctor went in there, he found a mess. The 9cm cyst on my ovary was just one of the problems. He found another even more massive cyst hiding behind my uterus. For those of you who like gory details, I’ll post pictures when I get them scanned.

In the meantime I have been treated like a princess. My first day home I spent all day in bed watching Harry Potter movies while my sweetheart brought me everything I could possibly need. Meals, snacks, toothbrush, and most of all, lots of love. Day by day I’m able to shuffle around a little better and with less assistance. They gave me a five-day prescription of Vicodin, but I only took a few of them. I’ve heard stories from friends about being crazy-hooked on the stuff, so I tried to avoid them as much as possible. Being an ice cream addict is bad enough.

The odd thing is that the Big Disaster was not directly related to my health at all. It was, predictably, my mom’s fault. She spent a few days at our house, helping my sweety take care of me by cooking meals and washing dishes. On day three after the surgery, she said that she was going to head back home since I was in good hands.  My sweety asked her why she needed to rush off so soon since she had no job, that she should stay longer. It sounded friendly enough to me, but my mom had a completely twisted idea of what she meant.

My mom started talking about when my dad was sick, how she dropped everything to take care of him. She was not so subtly implying that my sweety didn’t want to take care of me, that she was “avoiding her responsibility” to me by asking my mom take care of me instead. I was sitting in the living room, horrified by the escalating exchange between them. Had I not gotten up to stop the argument, it would have become a shouting match.

My stupid mom… she has no idea how many times my sweety has encouraged me to write her and visit as well. She doesn’t see what effort my baby has made to include her as family, despite my tendency to avoid her. For my mom to turn around and accuse her of not wanting to take care of me… well that’s just insulting. My sweety was inviting her to stay longer because she knows, or at least assumed, that moms want to spend time with their daughters. She wanted us to be closer, and even left the house for a few hours so she wouldn’t be in the way of possible bonding.

Instead my mom saw this as “escaping” her “duties”. Un-fucking-believable. No amount of reasoning would convince her that this couldn’t be farther from the truth. I spoke with her privately after the argument for some time, but she refused to be convinced. She apologized for making me sad and ruining my day, but said she was leaving because she didn’t want my sweety to be “spoiled” by my mom’s help. WTF?? Fucking delusional woman. When a person is this clueless and this stubborn, there’s not much you can do.

So once again we’ll be cutting her out of our lives. I’ll give her updates of my health from time to time, but that’s it. I just can’t understand how a person can be so frustratingly stubborn and eager to cling to wrong impressions. All it means is that, despite her outward (and likely two-faced) gestures to be nice to my sweetheart, she still secretly doesn’t believe in the relationship. She doesn’t really accept us. Hell I know for a fact she doesn’t want her friends to find out she has a gay daughter. So fuck you mom, it’s your loss.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Too many lines

In California there are carpool lanes, often separated from the rest of the freeway by double yellow lines with a solid white line on the inside. So if you were driving in the carpool lane, you’d see the white line first, then the yellow.  My brother-in-law, who prides himself on knowing everything, told me awhile back that this means drivers are allowed to leave the carpool lane, but not allowed to enter. This made sense to me, because why else would that solid white line be there?

Recently a coworker was telling me differently, that you are not allowed to cross the double yellow lines at all. Somebody was obviously wrong. It took a great deal of research to find the answer. Plenty of material said yellow lines are not meant to be crossed, but nothing explained the purpose of the white line.  Finally I found this:

Section 21460 Double Lines
The purpose of the solid-white single line on the inside of the double yellow lines on buffered HOV lanes is to permit vehicles to legally drive to the left of the double yellow lines as defined in the provisions of this section.

In earlier readings I understood that double yellow lines also signify the division between opposing sides of traffic. So technically it would be illegal to be driving in a carpool lane without that white line there.

That’s just stupid. Use double white lines instead. Duh.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Windows Vista - It's good and yet it sucks?

I constantly hear two camps when it comes to Windows Vista: It either works well for you or it doesn’t. I couldn’t figure out the huge disparity until now. Perhaps this is common knowledge, but I never read it anywhere, so it’s my own personal observation…

Basically, it’s like this: Vista is great and fairly solid on machines that were designed to run it. Vista is an unstable dung heap on computers that were upgraded and not originally running Vista.

My laptop, which isn’t a year old yet, came with Vista on it, and I have yet to see it crash once. Well, it sort of froze during a shutdown once, but that’s it. Everything I’ve plugged into it (which admittedly isn’t much) has worked flawlessly and without the need for external drivers. Aside from having to re-learn where everything is in this operating system, I’ve been fairly happy with it. This was my first and only experience with Windows Vista at the time, and overall it was quite positive.

Enter my media center project. I upgraded my 7-year old Dell Dimension 4300 - gave it a faster processor, better graphics card, etc. You can read all about that in prevous posts. The last thing I did was install Vista onto it. Now, it doesn’t crash constantly, but it’s nowhere near as stable as when I had XP on it. The good thing is that the Media Center software (part of Vista Premium) works beautifully, and we are able to play Netflix streaming movies (which wouldn’t work with XP Media Center 2004 SP3). HOWEVER it seems to freeze a lot during the Netflix streaming. What the hell is Netflix doing that is causing so much grief with the latest OSes? Or maybe it’s my video card… that’s possible too. I’ve also seen Vista crash for no apparent reason from normal operations.

With all that going on, there’s no way this media center is going to replace my Tivo. So for now I just load movies into it and we use it as a movie repository as well as a Netflix streaming movie player. Later on I’m just going to go and buy a pre-built media center. It’ll save me the trouble of figuring out all the stupid things that go wrong when I’m trying to build it myself. It really is a time-suck, not to mention causes me to ramble on incessantly about the process on this blog.

To end on a positive note, I was surprised at how much more readable text is on the TV screen when using Windows Vista. On the same screen resolution using the same video card, it was barely readable in XP. It’s nice to do computer operations on it without having to get up and walk over to the monitor at the desk. At some point we can probably get rid of the monitor altogether.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

I rarely oversleep. Oops.

The bad thing about working from home only part of the week is those days you actually have to go in. For several years now I’ve gotten into the habit of waking up at the right time to get ready for work. I just don’t need an alarm clock. Apparently my body got used to waking up at the right time for working from home. At 8:40 I open my eyes and check my watch. Shit. I jump out of bed, waver a bit as my brain gets used to the idea of being upright, and start getting dressed. My honey, sweetheart that she is, goes to cook up an egg for me while I put on my shoes and rinse out my mouth real quick. I throw a box of cereal into a plastic bag and rush off. I love finger-combable short hair. A few rakes during the stoplights and I’m presentable. I think.

I was only 10 minutes late today. Not bad for oversleeping.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

I love working from home, despite the tickets

The nice thing that has come out of all this is that my employer is willing to let me work from home Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays until I get my medical condition cleared up.  Driving and general jouncing of my innards aggravates the discomfort and pain, so working from home is awwwesome. To add to the awesomeness is being able to wake up five minutes before I need to work and still being right on time. Unless you’re a lifeguard or a model, there are few other places where you get to work in your underwear.

The downside to this is that on Mondays they ticket everyone still parked on my street between 9 and 12 due to street cleaning. I totally forgot about this because I’m usually gone by then. Another $35 down the drain…

Monday, July 28, 2008

A trip to the emergency room

Wednesday of last week was a day of firsts.  It was my first time in an ambulance. My first time admitted into an emergency room, my first CAT scan, my first enema… yeah, gross. Here’s what went down…

I was at work. During my lunch break I decided to just play some video games at the office instead of going to the gym. I wasn’t feeling quite like myself, but I thought it was just diarrhea. Towards the end of my lunch break, I was feeling increasingly worse, like I had something uncomfortable going on in my bowels or something. I had already gone to the bathroom once, and it didn’t help anything. The pain was steadily increasing, so I got up to go to the bathroom again, only to become instantly dizzy… to the point of nearly blacking out.

I fell to my hands and knees, smacking my shoulder and head on a chair along the way. I sat there for awhile, leaning against the doorway of the room I was in. I knew I needed help, so I tried calling a coworker on my cell phone. No answer. I was feeling really weak, woozy, and a little nauseous, so I curled up on the floor, intentionally half out in the hallway so someone would find me. I think I was hyperventilating due to the pain because my hands were tingling badly. I was contemplating who to call next when a coworker found me and dialed 911.

I told him I felt like throwing up, so he ran and found a large bowl for me just in time for me to heave up my salad and french fries. Wow that stuff was green. The paramedics soon arrived (someone later said there were like 6 of them standing around while one worked. Dude, I’m not a whale. Two is enough to carry me.) They asked me questions while I grunted out answers. My hands were past tingling and had begun to seize up. That’s never happened to me before, it felt so weird. I couldn’t move them, it was like rigor mortis in my hands.

The surrealism started when they lifted me up onto the gurney and wheeled me to the ambulance. I don’t even remember the elevator ride. I’d never been on a gurney before, whee. That ambulance was the bumpiest thing I’ve ever been in. The paramedic had the potholes memorized and was warning me to brace myself at the right moments. I managed to joke to him that Caltrans should work together with paramedics. (Caltrans refers to the California Department of Transportation, who is responsible for fixing the streets.)

In the hospital I laid in the gurney in a hallway for at least 20 minutes while they sorted out emergencies. Apparently I arrived during a large wave of emergencies. At that point I was feeling better. Whatever my problem was had eased its grip on me. They eventually wheeled me into my own room, hooked me up to some monitors and took some blood for testing. The ER doctor poked and prodded me while asking a battery of questions for diagnosis.

I recently watched all four seasons of House MD, one of the best shows ever. In this ER, I felt like part of an episode, which added to my sense of surrealism. This helped me to be one of the most patient patients they’ve ever seen. The nurses were surprised, I guess because most people are cranky and want to get out as soon as possible. I just wanted them to find out what was wrong with me.

I was told I was going to have a CAT scan, which I actually looked forward to because it looks so neat on TV. Then I was told that they needed to give me an enema by filling my bowels with a contrasting fluid, so they could see my appendix better. Oh. Okay… well… a good cleansing is good for you… right? The surrealism stopped when they jammed the tube up my sphincter and proceeded to pump a cold bag of reality into my bowels. Oh my god it was the most uncomfortable thing EVER. It was like my worst case of diarrhea times 100. I was in agony and had to wait until they were done imaging before they drained me. Holy fuck. People PAY to get this done to them voluntarily?

They were expecting appendicitis, but didn’t see any of the associated inflammation. However they instead found a huge cyst on one ovary. An average ovary is around 3cm… that thing was 9cm! They said it was likely a bleeding endometrioma, caused by endometriosis. Endometriosis is the condition of having some endometrium, which is the stuff that belongs inside the uterus, growing outside it instead. So whenever the hormones signal the uterus that it’s time for a cycle, all endometrium cells start to bleed, regardless of where they are located. They informed me that blood in the abdominal cavity is extremely painful.

After a sonogram, I was finally released at 2am. My next step is to get laproscopy done, which is where they knock you out and stick a camera through your bellybutton to see what’s actually going on inside. This will probably be followed by surgery of some kind.

Basically it was a lot of waiting around. The story-telling sounds more dramatic. But one thing is for sure… it’s a damn good thing I had on clean underwear!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Got herpes?

I saw this banner today:

There’s actually a dating site for people with herpes. Um… well that’s good. This is one kind of love you don’t want to be spreading around. I wonder though, will there actually be people who want to broadcast that they have herpes?

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